Job ads

Maybe it’s that I’m bitter that I haven’t yet landed a job in Shanghai, or maybe just coz I got nothin better to say at the moment, but I’m dedicating this post to some of the cringe-worthy job postings I’ve come across on the web during my job search so far. Apart from the obviously offensive (not to mention illegal in many parts of the world, I think) English-teacher recruitment ads that specify “Caucasian only”, “we want Americans from northern part of the US or Singapore”, “no overseas Chinese”, and so forth, every day brings a smattering of interesting ads that make the hunting a little less tedious.

Some of them are plain cases of a lack of familiarity with English words + having spell-check turned off, like:

We need native Philippean for linguistive review work -job in Shanghai
We need native Philippean speaker for linguistive review work. Part time. If you are interested, please send your CV to (…)

(Self-explanatory.)

Others make it pretty clear why they desperately need native English teachers:

Canadian people we need you -Shanghai teaching job
We are now lack of teacher who’s at 40’s,majored in economics or finance,love language teaching jobs.If you are fit,send us your CV right away.

(Good luck finding someone that fits all the criteria: age, major, love of language teaching jobs (why’d you major in finance then?), oh and of course, fit.)

And some of these are just puzzling, and thus hilarious:

Part time, an Italian girl or lady -Shanghai PT job
There’s a performance in our client’s event. We need an Italian girl or Lady to act an Italian housewife cooking pasta on the stage. Just Act, Not Really Cook.

find single gentleman do part time
find single gentleman do part time. We need single gentleman do part time,if yu are single the gentleman the right one send us

These are the ones that make me laugh. Then there are those job wanted ads posted by self-proclaimed native English speakers advertising their English expertise, which not only pollute the job list stream with their irrelevance, but are inflicted with all sorts of language errors that make me want to pull my hair out… or something. For example:

Content writing and editing
Hi all, I am a professional content editor currently living in Shanghai. Seeking for a revelant job in Shanghai. I have an experience in editing english documents. I can write as well as proofread content on any subject.

(Seeking for? Revelant? English editor? Riiight.)

Harvard Graduate English Teacher and Essay Editor
Hello! I’m an American with several years of experience teaching English and SAT prep to Chinese students. In addition, I can help you with perfecting your essays and reports and preparing for interviews for colleges or jobs. (…)

(I dunno about you, but I wouldn’t want this Ivy Leaguer flooding my essay with sentences like that. Surely a Hah-vahd graduate could do better than that?)

And then the punctuation outlaws:

English Teacher, Resume and Cover Letter Editor
Hi if you want an American English teacher please contact me RMB 200 hr. (…)

Native English Tutor (Australian) Available: Xujiahui area
(…) Focus should be on spoken English however written vocabulary, grammar and phrases are also important.

I’m not saying my English is perfect*, but seriously, if you’re gonna pretend you are everything you say you are, at least be a little more careful? Or better yet, just stop wasting any more of our time, kthxbye.

/end of rant

*whoever spots the most errors in this and previous posts wins!

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