Big news on the job front: I found out this past Saturday that I was accepted for a job at the Expo 2010 Shanghai! It starts in a month and goes for 6.5 months into November, and as far as I know (which isn’t very far) involves being some sort of “hosting” staff at the Canada Pavilion. Representing Canada.
So I’ve been suddenly inundated with all sorts of paperwork, part of which apparently goes towards “top secret” security clearance checks. During the information-gathering process I realized that in the last ten years I’ve resided at 16 different addresses—13 of which fall into the last five years. I know I’ve moved around a lot, but those numbers still put my recent life into some perspective.
Anyway, another part of this paperwork involves gathering body measurements for my staff “uniform”. By uniform I’d expected, you know, some nice polo-shirt top sporting a Canadian flag and maybe even—but hopefully not—pants. Standard bust-waist-hip-height-weight measurements, perhaps. But no. What I got in my inbox last night was this:
If you’re not bothered to click on the image for details, this form essentially includes things like:
– apex from point to point
– apex drop from HSP
– neck circ at the base
– neck circ 11/2″ from base
– total crotch (front and back)
– knee (231/2″ from waist)
– bicep at biggest point
– bra size
OK, not even counting the fact that I don’t know what “apex” and “HSP” are and that I’m probably gonna mess up at least one of these measurements, one disturbing question remains: WHY DO THEY NEED ALL THIS INFORMATION?!?! Considering that the Canada Pavilion will be hosted by Cirque du Soleil, my only (supremely terrifying) conclusion is that they will be putting me in a body suit. Cat suit. Whatever. Something skin-tight (who would otherwise care about bicep at biggest point?) involving a built-in bra.
Something like any of these:
Oh, dearest God, please don’t let it be.